Finishing a Life Chapter - Again
Content Warning:
Discussions of:
Elderly Suicide
Euthanasia
Which is one helluva way to start off a blog post, huh? Sadly, it’s part of the new chapter and was one of the reasons I decided to revamp SoloSeattle and keep it updated this time around.
Back in June 2020, I just finished redecorating my little 400 sq. ft. studio when Ed dropped the news that my upstairs neighbors were moving out and he wanted to renovate the space but asked if I wanted it before daring to put it on the market.
Of course, I said yes.
In August 2020, I moved upstairs into my second flat here in Seattle and well, a LOT has happened since then.
Between the domestic updates (so many DIYs that I did not post here), the social updates, the physical updates (the Autism nod was a surprise), and a career change, to name a few, I should have known something was going to twist.
Sword of Damocles is Swinging
When I first moved to Seattle, my landlord was recovering from back surgery. So I did a lot of my own heavy lifting, sometimes lifting him in the process when he fell.
But the last round of surgeries he had were particularly rough. Especially when he called me one night, heavily medicated, and told me he was selling the building. I chalked it up to the sedatives and painkillers but called his business partner anyway for peace of mind.
Fast forward to March 2023 when he told me he was Done. He wanted it to be over. He wasn’t healing like he wanted to be, or as fast as he wanted to be, and he was over life and wanted to end it.
I reached out to his family, who started to visit weekly in an effort to keep his spirits up. Meanwhile, I just stayed out of his way because when Ed lost his temper, the neighborhood heard it.
Having been on the receiving end of said temper more than I’d like or have emotional bandwidth for, I’d rather get another root canal or another kidney infection.
July 2023 was when things got weird. Or when I realized the relationship I had with my landlord was getting uncomfortable. Because for as open as Ed was with me, he was too open on some topics.
Like his sexual preferences. Or having me set up things on his iPad knowing the last website he was on was a porn site, but he didn’t want one of the male residents to know that about him.
At least it was age-appropriate for him. For as much of a crass mess I can be, I didn’t want to see his particular flavor of favorite spank bank material and I kept my face measuredly blank because he did it for a reaction.
He could have asked any of his male friends or family to help him do that. Not the one long-term female resident.
So I filed that incident away. Only to remember it vividly come the beginning of September 2023 (dating this entry just in case) when his business partner called me and asked “Did Ed mention killing himself in March?”
He had. Twice up to this point. Enough I had one of his sisters on Speed Dial. The sword started swinging though when said business partner dropped a particular bomb I was unprepared for.
Ed updated his will to remove the residents from it. When I moved in back in 2018, in the event of his demise, residents would receive a particular sum to help them move. He assured me of this benefit repeatedly over the years. All the way up until this last winter. He removed it when the last resident moved in. And just like that, I lost the one safety net I thought I had here.
Under the Surface
One thing I’ve learned over the years is whenever I’m in transition, I try to keep things quiet. Figure it out and tell everyone later being one of my particular M.Os and one that a few friends have realized they hate.
I found out on a Thursday that Ed had set a death date. Friday, I spiraled and reached out with “I’m low-key panicking. I’ll be fine. But I need to let someone know.”
Over the weekend I learned “low-key” translated to “high-key” for that particular friend and they came back with a protective fury that I forgot how much I appreciated. In my defense, I’m usually the furious friend. But what they said to me will stick with me, because not only have I heard it before, I’ve said similar to them in the past.
“You can’t continue to live there with that Sword of Damocles hanging over your head. I know you’re sweet and you adore him, but this is not just inappropriate, he’s being a fucking monster. Now put your oxygen mask on first.”
Meet my new baby, the Blackmagic Pocket Cinema Camera 4k. She’s part of my new filming rig and I’m so happy to hold her. Even if she’s a hefty beast in full costume.
Time for a New Chapter
Regardless of what happens to Ed, I’ve decided that my time here in my beloved flat is coming to a close. After all, it would be nice to have wood floors and parking I don’t have to fight to get out of, or have friends or dates spend the night without someone counting the number of overnights (after four, I’m basically breaking my lease here). This means I have six months to increase my income enough to afford a new flat and save for moving costs.
I’m inviting you to come with me on this next adventure. I have no idea how it’s going to go. Hell, I have no idea how I’m going to afford Flat Number Three, but these next six months will be fast, interesting, and messy as hell.
You’ll be able to watch it all unfold on Twitch, YouTube, and here on the main site.
This should be fun. (I say unwillingly.)
Welcome back to Solo Seattle.
