For the last few years, I’ve been learning some serious life lessons in hard mode. Enough to let this blog lay fallow for a couple of years, but not because I wanted to. I was drained of any bit of creative energy I had. Which is apparently what happens when one finds themselves involved with a narcissist who demands everything from you. Oh, it took me by surprise too.
If I could impart one major lesson for friendships? When someone says to you, “my friends always leave me,” just walk away. Better yet, run. Which I did not do. I should have.
Life Lessons: Hard Mode Edition
Instead, I desparately wanted to be that one friend who would stick around. The super-supportive friend. The ride-and-die who would give everything to ensure my friend’s success. Only to realize come February 2021 that I was never a friend. I was their supply. Who misbehaved because I dared carve out a friendship with their latest and greatest supply. But my biggest sin?
Daring to have other friends. Each time I hung out with those friends, since my narcissist was tracking my location, it only added to the list of things I did “wrong”. The line would be drawn when they uttered words that sent me into a spiral of sheer what-the-fuckery.
A tik-tok would be my impetus to begin gray-rocking in the latter half of March 2021, after weeks of spiraling and wondering what the hell was going on and checking with friends just in case I needed receipts. Especially when I realized they tracked my location that entire time and would use those social outings to feed their anger at me. I cut them off entirely the summer of 2021 and never looked back. For those who keep up with Meyers-Briggs personality testing, this is called the INFJ Doorslam. Hell, I don’t even know if they still have their business and I’m not asking.
Because that would require caring.
Starting Over, Again
Thankfully, I created this blog back in 2018 to journal about how I started over. So let’s start over again. This time, from the beginning. Let’s call this new chapter something like, “how to start over after learning valuable life lessons, Round Two.”
In addition, I’m going to use Solo Seattle’s various channels to celebrate something I’m particularly good at, which is looking at the silver linings and the up-sides of everything. The silver lining of that life lesson is I walked away with a tight group of incredible friends.
The silver lining through the last two years has been healing, creating beautiful memories, and planning to make my own life a little more beautiful than yesterday. And I’d love to take you with me!
Here’s to today’s life lessons and the ones we’ll learn in the future. See you in the next entry!
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