Moving Cross-Country (Starting Over)
You see, I never planned on relocating. Maybe move closer to the center of Cincinnati, Ohio, sure. But moving to another city in an entirely different state and actually surviving there?
Merely a fantasy unless my career paid for relocation.
At least, that’s what I thought going into 2017 and planning a vacation to Miami with friends. It was during that planning, I decided to extend my time off by another week and fly from Miami to Seattle to meet up with a friend and honestly, just to check out a city I had always wanted to visit, but never had a chance.
Three days in the Emerald City and I found myself sobbing into the shoulder of a random stranger, who merely patted my hair, smoothed it away from my face and told me one thing that cemented the rest of my life.
“Seattle clearly left a mark. Fortunately, leaving is only temporary, sweetheart. You’ll be back soon enough.”
She wasn’t wrong.
Now my relocation story isn’t typical. At least, not according to the research, but I learned some pretty valuable lessons from the experience that I’d like to share with you.
Part 1
Lesson One: When looking for an apartment, be prepared to move fast.
I found my studio right around Christmas 2017. I went through about 99 listings and applied to a good majority of them, but the property managers either wanted me in Seattle to see the spaces, make arrangements for someone IN Seattle to see them, or flat out did not want to rent to a transplant. Some listings were online for months, others for mere hours before they were rented.
I learned that I had to move very quickly if I wanted a space in one of my dream neighborhoods. My studio was online for 6 hours before I contacted the property manager.
I heard from Yvonne about an hour after I emailed and the rest is history. Once I had the apartment settled, I had to address my belongings.
Lesson Two: Vacuum-pack bags are a God-Send.
I either sold, gave away, donated, or trashed everything I owned prior to this move. Some furniture and other items stayed at the apartment to be delivered to my grandmother and the move was essentially split into four parts.
Part 1 was my first cross-country flight to meet the man I’d be renting from as well as his business partner, who did most of the legal legwork with me. The house is a little unorthodox, each floor has a separate unit or two, so they have to vet future tenants to ensure each person is a good fit for the “community”.
Yvonne characterized Ed as a grumpy curmudgeon and she wasn’t too far off the mark. He’s not so grumpy as he is bored. The only images I had of the unit were the house itself and the kitchen, everything else was a bit of a mystery to me because I didn’t pay attention to their video walkthrough.
They didn’t look for the pristine credit scores other apartments wanted. Or a long rental history. Or other hoops I’ve seen time and time again. They pretty much just wanted to make sure you were a good tenant and could afford the rent.
I passed muster. Having a job helped.
Working from home interested them if only because Yvonne worked from home herself and during one chat we had, mentioned that the shared house would be good for me in that I wouldn't be completely isolated from people.
The first cross-country flight was with a weekender filled with a week's worth of clothes, my work backpack, a suitcase with lights, silverware, two pillows, a blanket, and an air mattress all vacuum-packed into Zip-loc space bags so they'd fit and minimal toiletries. I would purchase the rest here in Seattle.
Lesson Three: Crossing three time zones wears on you.
Fast.
So does working from 6 am to 6 pm because your day job expects you to work East Coast hours when you live on the West Coast. Oh, and now West Coast hours too.
I stayed for a week after making an extensive IKEA trip that I did via two Lyft rides. I regret nothing. Except for the curtain rods and curtains I purchased, but ended up passing along via the neighborhood buy-nothing groups.
Nobody warned me about the soda tax or the plastic bag ban.
Part 2
Lesson Four: Amazon Prime pays for itself when buying furniture in a hurry.
My second trip was with the same luggage, but also more lighting, power tools, some decorations, and more clothes. This trip heralded a fun step that I had been looking forward to for weeks.
I wouldn’t be sleeping on an air mattress. My new mattress, bed frame, and chairs all arrived the day I did. That week was spent painting and putting together a dresser I would revisit and actually finish nine months later (link to post). I wouldn’t lie though.
Lesson Five: Seattle is great for Introverts, almost too great.
That week was a little lonely. Bearable, but lonely. February in Seattle can be brutal because it’s gray and dreary and as much as I love it when it rains, even I feel the wear. I also spent that week painting and putting together a dresser that I'd actually finish nine months later (long story and another post).
Day job started getting harder this time around as the travel across time zones once again took its toll. My landlord would pop in daily because each time he saw me on the cameras, I just looked sad (his words, not mine). I told him my ex-roommate wasn't really being helpful (I was paying for both apartments in full each time) and my Ohio friends weren't handling the move as well as I had hoped they would. I expected some tears and angst, but not complete isolation.
Part of the reason I moved in the first place was I was tired of being invisible. The last person you'd invite to a party to round out the group. The warm body.
It only cemented my decision to make Seattle work for me.
Part 3
Lesson 6: Shipping your car across the country is an expensive endeavor.
Driving your car across the country is about $400 in food and gas. I spent the three-day trip with my friend and former esthetician, Kat. Between both of us, we’d at least keep each other entertained and awake, even if we were only stopping for food, gas, and sleep.
The trip almost began in tears. The day I left, I made it a point to see my dad because he knew and blessed my trip out to Seattle, but I still wanted to see the man before I left. He told me as I left that he was sleeping in his car. He had been evicted from his apartment because he refused to pay rent due to a bed bug infestation.
But part of starting over is learning how to save yourself. I did offer up my room at the apartment multiple times, but both James and my father refused to consider the offer.
Leaving Ohio is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Kat stayed in Seattle for two days and I dropped her off four hours too early because I was in full introvert meltdown mode.
April was not my finest month. My entire building knew it. Ed even offered to take me to a casino with some of his friends and family just to get me out of the apartment. My colleagues at work knew it, and my own manager reached out one day to just chat. Her bubbly, sparkly Email Gremlin wasn't quite so sparkly as she was a gasoline-soaked pile of kindling waiting for a spark to ignite another meltdown.
Part 4
The question that started it all was asked in March 2012 by an old friend. “How depressed are you?”
I functioned well with Depression up until I physically removed myself from my comfort zone and triggered a massive slump that nobody wanted to talk about.
Everyone except my Day Job Manager. Courtney saw a powder keg ready to implode and she saw random signs that it was starting to take a toll. The long hours that work required and my tendency to self-isolate the worse things got did not help.
She suggested therapy. Turns out that our company has a deal with a psychological group that allows us eight therapy phone calls before they turn us loose on an actual counselor.
Lesson Seven: Asking for Help does not mean you are Weak.
Jeff's first diagnosis wasn’t a surprise. I'm a very good chameleon with significant coping mechanisms. I'm usually high-functioning, but that move along with other stressors exacerbated it. So our sessions are primarily discussing how my coping methods are working for me and making lifestyle adjustments.
His second diagnosis wasn't a surprise either. I had an inkling about General Anxiety Disorder when I had a meltdown in 2013. My occupation requires a certain amount of paranoia, but the nightmares and soaring blood pressure when working through emails were just a symptom of a far more significant issue. Since I live in Seattle, he suggested CBD oil as a means to control the anxiety without the drowsiness. I haven't... stepped foot in a dispensary and I doubt I'm going to start.
(2023 Update: Not only did I start stepping foot into dispensaries, but I even have my favorite dispensary and it’s Kushman’s in Lynnwood. Turns out, I really like Indica hybrids but only via cartridge.)
Lesson Eight: ADHD does not look the same in Everyone.
His third diagnosis was a surprise. The coping mechanisms I learned to handle the depression also managed ADHD, which manifests in hyper-focus, hyper fixation on one topic, and galaxy brain, which I channel into business ideas and being a business springboard for others. Not so much the "SQUIRREL" that most folks jump to when they hear about ADHD.
It explained why I was so good with logistics and event handling. I think of everything that could go wrong and prepare for if everything, well, did go wrong. This is super helpful when I'm doing event work because that compost bag someone had forgotten about. I didn't. It's in the dump bucket.
But this works out in the end, I swear.
All of these mental quirks helped me create a soothing sanctuary for my own brain and other differently-wired brains. It's probably the only reason I'm able to live within 400 square feet here in Seattle. I hope you join me to see just how I've managed over the last year.
